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Mar. 7th, 2006 01:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bobcatmoranI suppose I should explain myself before inflicting this on anyone. The Osumi Electronics robot wheeled its overly-cheerful, disturbingly commercial self into a fic I'm working on. Since the fic takes place before the fifth Classic game, Forte is, obviously, not in it. The idea of him running into the robot, though, was just way too fun to leave alone.
Forte had far more important things to do with his life than go out and run some stupid errand. He could be out shooting that blue moron in the face, but no. Wily just had to have that voice synthesizer right now, and, of course, those crappy robot masters were all either not suited for going out in public, too busy, or too still under construction to go and get it. On top of it all, Forte had to go dressed like a human, because his armor was too easily recognizable, and Wily didn’t want him to be noticed. Ugh. How could people go around in this lightweight, flimsy stuff all the time?
He stormed through the store’s entrance, hoping to get this done as quickly as possible. “Welcome to Osumi Electronics!” a cheerful voice burbled at him. Forte stared in horror at the turquoise apparition, which continued on with, “During our Super Spring Sale, everything is ten to thirty percent off!” The store robot then started wheeling after him. “Visit our clearance section for great bargains!”
“Get lost,” Forte snapped at it.
“We carry the largest selection of voice synthesizers in town!” came the reply.
“Beat it, you piece of junk,” Forte said, punctuating his remark by kicking the robot.
The robot tipped backward slightly from the force of the kick, then righted itself and continued, “Open a charge account today and receive a special coupon good for five hundred zenny off your next purchase!”
Forte kicked the robot harder. “I said, beat it!” The robot wobbled, then tipped over onto its side. “Stupid crappy robot,” Forte grumbled. He glared at the signs hanging over the aisles. “What the hell does the old man want one of those fancy-pants voice synthesizers for anyway? It’d just be wasted on the sort of trash he makes.” Setting off in the direction of the aisle he needed, Forte had the odd feeling that he was being followed. He turned around.
A smiling face greeted him in an insanely upbeat tone. “All Gabcom RAM is forty percent off when you spend five thousand zenny or more!”
“What the —” Forte sputtered. “I thought I beat you! Leave me alone.”
The robot continued following him, spouting off advertisements as it went. “The new Utilibot power cores have twice the capacity of the old C12 line! Our special line of magna-joints has the lowest repair rate of any in the industry!”
“Shut up,” Forte snarled at it. This was a thousand times more annoying than that other blue robot. He couldn’t even hear himself think over its prattle, and nothing he said or did seemed to stop it. What it needed was a good shot to the head, but Forte didn’t have his buster with him.
Wait. It had stopped. The thing was silent. Oh, finally, finally… “During our Super Spring Sale, everything is ten to thirty percent off!” It had just reached the end of its cycle and had restarted the chain of ads.
“RrrraaaAAAARRGGGHHH!!” Forte yelled. He launched himself at the robot, tackling it, and then slamming its head against the floor. “WHY…” clang “…WON’T…” clang “…YOU…” clang “…SHUT…” clang “UP?!” clang! The robot started to rise up again, but Forte kicked it over onto its side and started jumping on it. He could feel the snap of circuit boards breaking. Good. When the robot was severely dented, wires and circuitry were poking through a large gash in its back, and it was making no sound other than little “fzzt” noises, Forte stepped back to look at his handiwork. That had been extremely satisfying. It was almost as good as shooting it to bits would have been, although it didn’t result in quite so many little pieces.
Forte could hear someone approaching, though. Shoot, they’d probably heard the noise and were coming to see what had happened. He quickly grabbed the synthesizer he needed off the shelf and ran out the door.
~owari~
You know, I probably should be a bit worried that I’m writing something like this, considering that I’m working in retail right now. ^^;;
Forte had far more important things to do with his life than go out and run some stupid errand. He could be out shooting that blue moron in the face, but no. Wily just had to have that voice synthesizer right now, and, of course, those crappy robot masters were all either not suited for going out in public, too busy, or too still under construction to go and get it. On top of it all, Forte had to go dressed like a human, because his armor was too easily recognizable, and Wily didn’t want him to be noticed. Ugh. How could people go around in this lightweight, flimsy stuff all the time?
He stormed through the store’s entrance, hoping to get this done as quickly as possible. “Welcome to Osumi Electronics!” a cheerful voice burbled at him. Forte stared in horror at the turquoise apparition, which continued on with, “During our Super Spring Sale, everything is ten to thirty percent off!” The store robot then started wheeling after him. “Visit our clearance section for great bargains!”
“Get lost,” Forte snapped at it.
“We carry the largest selection of voice synthesizers in town!” came the reply.
“Beat it, you piece of junk,” Forte said, punctuating his remark by kicking the robot.
The robot tipped backward slightly from the force of the kick, then righted itself and continued, “Open a charge account today and receive a special coupon good for five hundred zenny off your next purchase!”
Forte kicked the robot harder. “I said, beat it!” The robot wobbled, then tipped over onto its side. “Stupid crappy robot,” Forte grumbled. He glared at the signs hanging over the aisles. “What the hell does the old man want one of those fancy-pants voice synthesizers for anyway? It’d just be wasted on the sort of trash he makes.” Setting off in the direction of the aisle he needed, Forte had the odd feeling that he was being followed. He turned around.
A smiling face greeted him in an insanely upbeat tone. “All Gabcom RAM is forty percent off when you spend five thousand zenny or more!”
“What the —” Forte sputtered. “I thought I beat you! Leave me alone.”
The robot continued following him, spouting off advertisements as it went. “The new Utilibot power cores have twice the capacity of the old C12 line! Our special line of magna-joints has the lowest repair rate of any in the industry!”
“Shut up,” Forte snarled at it. This was a thousand times more annoying than that other blue robot. He couldn’t even hear himself think over its prattle, and nothing he said or did seemed to stop it. What it needed was a good shot to the head, but Forte didn’t have his buster with him.
Wait. It had stopped. The thing was silent. Oh, finally, finally… “During our Super Spring Sale, everything is ten to thirty percent off!” It had just reached the end of its cycle and had restarted the chain of ads.
“RrrraaaAAAARRGGGHHH!!” Forte yelled. He launched himself at the robot, tackling it, and then slamming its head against the floor. “WHY…” clang “…WON’T…” clang “…YOU…” clang “…SHUT…” clang “UP?!” clang! The robot started to rise up again, but Forte kicked it over onto its side and started jumping on it. He could feel the snap of circuit boards breaking. Good. When the robot was severely dented, wires and circuitry were poking through a large gash in its back, and it was making no sound other than little “fzzt” noises, Forte stepped back to look at his handiwork. That had been extremely satisfying. It was almost as good as shooting it to bits would have been, although it didn’t result in quite so many little pieces.
Forte could hear someone approaching, though. Shoot, they’d probably heard the noise and were coming to see what had happened. He quickly grabbed the synthesizer he needed off the shelf and ran out the door.
~owari~
You know, I probably should be a bit worried that I’m writing something like this, considering that I’m working in retail right now. ^^;;
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Date: 2006-03-09 01:52 am (UTC)I know at least one store that has a little voice which breaks through the muzak to say "helpful" things like, "All of our cashmere sweaters are on sale until March 11th!" and I figured that getting something to actually FOLLOW YOU and spout off this sort of stuff would be someone's idea of a clever use of technology in a world where robots are omnipresent ("someone" being the same sort of person who came up with the idea of running commercials before movies). My mind frightens me sometimes with what it comes up with, and I hope that no one ever invents such a thing because, yeah, evil and annoying to the nth degree.
-Bobcat Moran, who for some inexplicable reason can't log in right now :(