Sdrawkcab etirw I
Apr. 9th, 2005 11:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bobcatmoranThat X series body-switching fic I posted a bit of a week ago now has a beginning!
Rated PG because...um...because it feels like it should be something higher than a G. Yeah. >_>
>>system on
>>scanning memory
>>42.7 TB OK
>>loading LightOS 10.1.5
>>100% complete
>>audio systems on
>>cognitive systems on
“…n’t he be through his boot process by now?”
“Just give him time. That was a pretty nasty shock. Make sure that if he does wake up, he doesn’t leave before we can make sure there’s no damage to his cognitive systems. I need to go next door and check on Zero.”
“Will do.”
…go next door and check on Zero? Next door? But I’m right here. Zero tried opening his eyes. It didn’t work.
>>visual systems on
>>sensory feedback systems on
He could still hear the second voice, asking him how he was doing. It sounded oddly far-off to be talking to him, though, and there … wasn’t that his own voice? He was sure he hadn’t said anything.
>>verbal module online
>>default language set
Was this what humans called an “out of body experience?” He could still hear his own voice talking. Did this mean he was dead again? Zero was pretty sure hadn’t experienced anything like this all those other times.
>>motor systems on
>>startup sequence complete
He tried opening his eyes again. This time it worked. He seemed to be on his back, looking up at the ceiling. A face entered his field of vision, saying, "Oh, good you’re awake. You were starting to worry us there.” Zero ignored it. Why on earth could he still hear himself talking? He couldn’t make out the words, but he sounded very upset about something. Zero turned his head towards the sound. It seemed to be coming from the room next door. He tried to sit up, only to be pushed back down by a firm hand.
“Oh, no, you’re not going anywhere just yet. Just stay put, and I’ll get Lifesaver to look at you.” The med tech hurried into the room where Zero’s voice was coming from. Zero watched her go, then sat up. He was obviously in the medical ward. There were posters on the wall detailing virus prevention and common joint injuries. Several monitors blinked and beeped with information that he presumed was coming from the cables hooked up to ports in his chest.
Zero poked at the chest end of one of the cables. A monitor made a loud buzzing noise that brought the med tech running back into the room. She looked worried, then cross when she noticed Zero innocently staring at her. “Don’t mess with the cables,” she snapped.
“Sorry,” Zero said. Wait, was that his voice? It sounded significantly higher than he remembered. It was supposed to be deeper, more like … more like the voice he could now hear getting very agitated in the next room. In fact, this voice, the one he had just heard come out his mouth, sounded a lot like … oh, no. He looked down at himself. Some of his armor had been taken off, but he was still wearing boots, which were blue, not red, gold, and white. The underlying bodysuit was also blue, not his usual dark gray. He ran a hand through his hair. His short hair. Either someone was playing a prank of colossal proportions, or something had gone very, very wrong on that last mission.
Okay, Zero, think. You’re an intelligent reploid. What could possibly be going on here? The last thing he remembered was the 0th and 17th units being called out to deal with some new gang of Mavericks that were terrorizing the city center. They’d been able to subdue most of them with minimal property damage (something which Zero was rather proud of, since that would mean less chewing out by Signas later on), and he and X had gone after the one that seemed to be the leader. The Maverick had sent out some sort of electromagnetic charge, and he’d tried to shove X out of the way; they both got hit at the same time and … oh, but that was stupid. Why on earth would that cause him to end up in X’s body?
Zero looked around the room. There was a mirror over in the corner. If he could just get over there to take a look, he could see if he really had somehow ended up in X’s body. He climbed down from the exam table he had been lying on, and took a step in the direction of the mirror. There was a sudden tug at his chest as the cables protested at being strained, and a chorus of alarmed beeps, buzzes and chirps erupted from the monitors. “Argh, shut up!” Zero exclaimed, reaching down and unplugging the cables from his chest. That just seemed to make the problem worse, as one of the monitors went from distressed chirping to a high-pitched, panicked wail. Zero swore, looked at the screaming monitors, then back at the mirror, and decided to finish what he’d started. First, though, he needed to switch off his audio sensors and block out all that noise. There. That was better.
He let out a yelp of surprise when he caught sight of his reflection. Short, messy, dark hair, and green eyes — that was definitely not him. He poked himself in the nose. The figure in the mirror poked itself in the nose. He stuck out his tongue, the figure in the mirror stuck out its tongue.
He was continuing making faces — wow, he’d never seen X do that before — when he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder. He turned around to see a very cranky looking Lifesaver. Lifesaver moved his mouth, presumably talking. Zero shook his head, then turned his audio sensors back on, noticing that the monitors had quieted down. “Sorry, what?”
“X, what on earth do you think you’re doing?”
An irate voice came from the next room, “I told you, I’m X!”
Lifesaver sighed. “Yes, yes, we know.” Then more quietly, speaking directly to Zero, he said, “I’m very sorry, Commander. Zero seems to have suffered some damage in the attack, and he appears to be under the delusion that he is you.”
“Yeah, well, funny you should mention that,” Zero said. “Because I appear to be under the delusion that I’m Zero.”
The next morning can be found here. There will be something else in between this beginning bit I just posted and that, however.
Constructive criticism is very welcome. I'm not quite confident about my computerese-writing skills, and I don't think this flows as well as the other bit I've written so far. I've never tried third person limited Zero POV before, either. Any feedback on that or any other elements would be awesome.
Rated PG because...um...because it feels like it should be something higher than a G. Yeah. >_>
>>system on
>>scanning memory
>>42.7 TB OK
>>loading LightOS 10.1.5
>>100% complete
>>audio systems on
>>cognitive systems on
“…n’t he be through his boot process by now?”
“Just give him time. That was a pretty nasty shock. Make sure that if he does wake up, he doesn’t leave before we can make sure there’s no damage to his cognitive systems. I need to go next door and check on Zero.”
“Will do.”
…go next door and check on Zero? Next door? But I’m right here. Zero tried opening his eyes. It didn’t work.
>>visual systems on
>>sensory feedback systems on
He could still hear the second voice, asking him how he was doing. It sounded oddly far-off to be talking to him, though, and there … wasn’t that his own voice? He was sure he hadn’t said anything.
>>verbal module online
>>default language set
Was this what humans called an “out of body experience?” He could still hear his own voice talking. Did this mean he was dead again? Zero was pretty sure hadn’t experienced anything like this all those other times.
>>motor systems on
>>startup sequence complete
He tried opening his eyes again. This time it worked. He seemed to be on his back, looking up at the ceiling. A face entered his field of vision, saying, "Oh, good you’re awake. You were starting to worry us there.” Zero ignored it. Why on earth could he still hear himself talking? He couldn’t make out the words, but he sounded very upset about something. Zero turned his head towards the sound. It seemed to be coming from the room next door. He tried to sit up, only to be pushed back down by a firm hand.
“Oh, no, you’re not going anywhere just yet. Just stay put, and I’ll get Lifesaver to look at you.” The med tech hurried into the room where Zero’s voice was coming from. Zero watched her go, then sat up. He was obviously in the medical ward. There were posters on the wall detailing virus prevention and common joint injuries. Several monitors blinked and beeped with information that he presumed was coming from the cables hooked up to ports in his chest.
Zero poked at the chest end of one of the cables. A monitor made a loud buzzing noise that brought the med tech running back into the room. She looked worried, then cross when she noticed Zero innocently staring at her. “Don’t mess with the cables,” she snapped.
“Sorry,” Zero said. Wait, was that his voice? It sounded significantly higher than he remembered. It was supposed to be deeper, more like … more like the voice he could now hear getting very agitated in the next room. In fact, this voice, the one he had just heard come out his mouth, sounded a lot like … oh, no. He looked down at himself. Some of his armor had been taken off, but he was still wearing boots, which were blue, not red, gold, and white. The underlying bodysuit was also blue, not his usual dark gray. He ran a hand through his hair. His short hair. Either someone was playing a prank of colossal proportions, or something had gone very, very wrong on that last mission.
Okay, Zero, think. You’re an intelligent reploid. What could possibly be going on here? The last thing he remembered was the 0th and 17th units being called out to deal with some new gang of Mavericks that were terrorizing the city center. They’d been able to subdue most of them with minimal property damage (something which Zero was rather proud of, since that would mean less chewing out by Signas later on), and he and X had gone after the one that seemed to be the leader. The Maverick had sent out some sort of electromagnetic charge, and he’d tried to shove X out of the way; they both got hit at the same time and … oh, but that was stupid. Why on earth would that cause him to end up in X’s body?
Zero looked around the room. There was a mirror over in the corner. If he could just get over there to take a look, he could see if he really had somehow ended up in X’s body. He climbed down from the exam table he had been lying on, and took a step in the direction of the mirror. There was a sudden tug at his chest as the cables protested at being strained, and a chorus of alarmed beeps, buzzes and chirps erupted from the monitors. “Argh, shut up!” Zero exclaimed, reaching down and unplugging the cables from his chest. That just seemed to make the problem worse, as one of the monitors went from distressed chirping to a high-pitched, panicked wail. Zero swore, looked at the screaming monitors, then back at the mirror, and decided to finish what he’d started. First, though, he needed to switch off his audio sensors and block out all that noise. There. That was better.
He let out a yelp of surprise when he caught sight of his reflection. Short, messy, dark hair, and green eyes — that was definitely not him. He poked himself in the nose. The figure in the mirror poked itself in the nose. He stuck out his tongue, the figure in the mirror stuck out its tongue.
He was continuing making faces — wow, he’d never seen X do that before — when he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder. He turned around to see a very cranky looking Lifesaver. Lifesaver moved his mouth, presumably talking. Zero shook his head, then turned his audio sensors back on, noticing that the monitors had quieted down. “Sorry, what?”
“X, what on earth do you think you’re doing?”
An irate voice came from the next room, “I told you, I’m X!”
Lifesaver sighed. “Yes, yes, we know.” Then more quietly, speaking directly to Zero, he said, “I’m very sorry, Commander. Zero seems to have suffered some damage in the attack, and he appears to be under the delusion that he is you.”
“Yeah, well, funny you should mention that,” Zero said. “Because I appear to be under the delusion that I’m Zero.”
The next morning can be found here. There will be something else in between this beginning bit I just posted and that, however.
Constructive criticism is very welcome. I'm not quite confident about my computerese-writing skills, and I don't think this flows as well as the other bit I've written so far. I've never tried third person limited Zero POV before, either. Any feedback on that or any other elements would be awesome.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-04-10 05:01 pm (UTC)I know you don't know me, but I found your journal through ff.net and you have this lovely piece of fic up here. So I'll take this moment to play surrogate beta-reader. I don't see any big problems, so rather than say 'looks good' I'll just tell you what I liked.
The startup sequence was really nice just because, as a general rule, a lot of people tend to forget that X and Zero are robots (Reploids?). It's good that somebody doesn't.
I think the story works nicely in Zero's limited POV and his thoughts flow in a coherent manner. My only real complaint is that he seems just a little too calm considering he's not sure what's going on. But even with that, he might just be in shock or something.
I also like the way Lifesaver keeps humoring X. The mirror bit is cute too.
Okay, that's really all I have for now, but I hope it helps. Good luck with this.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-11 03:29 am (UTC)Thanks for the feedback. It's good to know what's working right and what isn't. I'm debating whether or not to have Zero and/or X really flip out when they catch sight of each other. Zero seems like the more likely flip-out candidate in general, but I think X is already a lot more stressed out by this point, because he's been trying to explain that, no, he's not Zero, and yes, he really is X, and stop talking to him like that because he's not crazy, honestly. He's just prone to making me write run-on sentences, that's all. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2005-04-11 06:41 pm (UTC)But now, a bit more about what you said. X and Zero don't seem like the types to run thier flip out programs once they meet after the "accident", considering they fight like...all the time. That make sense at all? I could easily see Zero grabbing X and throwing a barrage of questions at him though, or something like that. And...I think I'm running out of things to say, so I'll run off and spare you of anything else I might say.